‘Letting go of ‘giving up’

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Of course this topic has featured innumerable times on this forum but here goes anyway… Today I parted ways with my sponsor and withdrew from my existing GA groups, I was halfway through the steps. I simply want to go on record as saying that GA was a ‘game changer’ in my life, however in conjunction with a course of counselling and the 12-steps of recovery, I was really able to root out the pathology associated with my gambling – confronting it, accepting it, releasing it, adjusting to life beyond the pain. The reason I’ve given it all up today is because I’m not going to gamble anymore, in the same vein as knowing I am not going to go rob a bank today… So purely and simply, I can be doing other things with my time now. This is what people normally tend to do, explore something, gain mastery over it then either stick with it or move on. Back in the day, without the psychological underpinning I have now + increased self-awareness related to why I behaved in the way I did – gambling, losing, robbery, fraud… anything was possible as I had no knowledge of who I was and no moral compass to boot… The time spent in GA has endowed me with both those things, as well as the hard work I put in around meetings + the extra support I sought out for my own benefit…yes, recovery became an addiction. Addiction takes a lot of effort… I’m finally at a point where I can drop addiction and repurpose that effort and energy in places that were previously neglected (family, friends, career). The big book promises you a ‘return to sanity’ but I believe there are those of us out there who are seeking a ‘return to normality’ – they are not one and the same thing…i think I was restored to sanity but continually living in fear towards the end of my time in the program. Now I have a refined version of normality to exercise… I was fearless before, that’s why I ended blowing my brains out with gambling you know? 😂😂 Towards the end, the program only served to suppress this fearlessness under the premise that it was something that I would never be able to harness… But here’s the thing, my aspiration for normality involves the peaks and troughs of life, the success and failures, the wins and losses… Just without the gambling involved. There’s a paradox associated with a normal existence in the form of it being transient – but this is something exciting, that I am willing to embrace, now the obsession to gamble has left me. One thing the GA program protects you from is full, unadulterated transience. One thing the program does offer is a perpetual state of flux between who you were, what you could be if you’re not careful, and what you should be / will be if you stay within pre-ordained parameters. See you guys on the other side, if I gamble again then I guess something went wrong… But that’s OK. And by that being OK (and genuinely meaning this), it probably won’t happen again. The tide is constantly changing, and I am glad that the GA program has, in part, taught me how to ride those waves, but I can’t be standing on the beach forever looking out at the sea. Good luck all x submitted by /u/skiptracerbin2 [comments]

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